Tips and tricks for long haul riding

After doing a bunch of long trips, here are a few things that I've learned along the way that can make a long ride more comfortable, safe and enjoyable. Not everything here may work for you so- to each his own.

Led brake light flashers

Lets face it, the more miles you travel, the more cars you encounter, the more your risks increase.
Led brake light flashers pulse when you apply the brakes making your stopping action visible to others six times per brake pull, greatly reducing your chances of getting rear ended. Sure you may look like a rolling discotheque, but its better than getting rear ended by drunks coming home from one.


Cruise control/Throttle paddle assist

Someone told me to get one of these throttle assists before my trip and Thank God I heeded their advice. Guess what your right wrist will feel like after holding a throttle open for eight hours? Forget about jerking off with that hand for a while. On a side note, an O ring or electrical tape in the gap between the grip and the throttle sleeve OR pushing your grip in further will help by causing the throttle to hold open. Works great on cold mornings as you can set your throttle so the bike doesn't stall so you can "pack up-while she warms up". There's a bunch of throttle controls on the market. Do a search.

Earplugs

Yes we've seen some guys wear them and you think- "why bother?"  Dont you want to hear the cool sounds of your machine?"  Well take a guess what you will be hearing when lying in a bed/tent after 8 hours of riding????? Thats right, forget about jerking off AND sleeping now. The sound of your engine will ring in your ears for hours as you lay there unable to fall asleep. FORGET FOAM EARPLUGS. I started using them only to have them constantly creep out of my ears. Buy the gelatin /wax ones that press into your ear. They dont come out and they dont let anything in. You will suddenly realize how much sound gets in thru your nose though.
Side effects include vivid dreams of the girl on the box.


BABY WIPES

Oh dont be such a pussy, motorcyclists have been wiping their asses the "traditional" way for years. Well guess what, if one is fortunate enough to have the consumer convenience of our free market society, ,and God gave you a brain, then take advantage of those things. On a long trip, showers can sometimes be days apart. Inevitably on your ride somewhere, you will have to take a massive dump in some roadside bathroom from all the Vienna Sausages and Potted Meat Product you have ingested along the way. When you're done, use some baby wipes and you're fresh as a daisy for the next 300 miles or next shit stop which ever comes first. If you opt for the "traditional way", stray dogs, stray women and even your own nose will eventually determine that an Afghanistan of stench is wafting from your nether regions. I currently use the "Himalaya Gentle" wipes after switching from the "Columbian Gold" brand  Remember: the Afgahnis dont use toilet paper. Not only have WE evolved enough to use it, we have discovered an additional way to further clean that Harbinger of Sorrow completely, so that the world can be a more peaceful place for all. Its in the Bible.

Windshield
"Its not traditional" "I like the feeling of the wind in my face" They look gay" Well have you ever heard of buffeting????? Its what happens when an 18 wheeler passes you at 75 mph and then gets in front of you. Nothing like the feeling of being in a losing pillow fight at 75mph. Windshields work. They wouldn't put them on bikes and cars if they didn't. They reduce wind fatigue. After 8 hours on the road your neck will thank you along with your ass for the Strawberry scented baby wipes.

Get Gas Take a Piss

But I dont have to piss....... Well guess what? After you get back on the road from your quick gas stop, you will find yourself pulling over again after only 20 minutes to piss. After this happens to you for the 10th time it sucks and is an inconvenience because now you have to pull over, take your gloves off, take your..... well you get the picture. GET GAS TAKE A PISS so you can keep on riding.

Shane Von Cycles

More to come..............